I'm holding back tears. I'm holding back anger. I'm holding back pain.
Why? Because I see the wounds of discrimination, oppression, shaming, and blaming. The wounds of the words and overall implicit (and even often explicit) messages of brown people, my people, as inferior-- less than.
I'm probably over-speaking, making too dark (what's the opposite of light) of the situation, but these are raw emotions, right?
"I think I just feel inferior," "but we don't have much," "what will people think?" "I'm sorry that I haven't given you much" ... these words hurt... especially because they are spoken as she compares herself to white culture and people.
But why the emotions? Why the anger? Because of what this represents. It's not the first time members of my family have felt that way, especially in relation to my white friends. You'd think that it would hurt me less and less to see the shame they feel, the "but we're not as good as them" aura that surrounds these moments. The thing is, it's not just them and white people-- it's bigger than that. It's them feeling that because of the color of their skin, their native tongue, their roots, their migration story, their socioeconomic status, they are "less than." It is the feeling that they are inherently lower. And the problem is even deeper... those thoughts, those beliefs, they weren't always there, I bet. Do I imagine my family back in Ecuador thinking of themselves as less? No. Yet here, something about the culture, about society, about media's portrayal of success... tells them... no, convinces them that they aren't as good as white people... that the perfect lifestyle (and family, even) is one that is basically unattainable... at least to them (maybe that's why they push us kids so hard to succeed and to go to school-- so that we don't become "less than.")
Examples?
Growing up, I heard "minorities can be as smart as white people." Why do colored people get the "privilege" of being as smart as white people? Why not white people being as smart as us?
Growing up, I saw movies where the main actresses were light-skinned and had colored eyes. This was beauty.
Growing up, I heard stories of racial profiling, of my family members getting pulled over or seeing others getting pulled over for no apparent reason...
Growing up, I saw Disney movies portray all of these beautiful princesses, and none of them were Hispanic/Latina... why not? I asked.
Regardless of these (and many other) examples, the truth is this... when a people group keeps getting told that they are inferior to, less than, not as good as the majority, they start believing it about themselves. Something inside starts to break-down... I'm not saying Latino pride has been eliminated, gracias a Dios! For that would be hard to kill--- our passion, pride, and resistance. But what I am saying, is that there has been something planted, a seed, that is showing it's ugly fruit in my own life, and I bet in the lives of others like me... and it honestly hurts and upsets.
Anyway, I should stop venting... anger has been pretty much eliminated through the words that my fingers type on this keyboard. Now a deeper wound remains, that of the systemic injustices and oppressions, and with it, a burning passion to do something about it... to empower those that have been stripped of power. But above this, a hope remains and shines... the hope that God sees the pain, sees the brokenness, sees the potential, sees us for who we are, and He cares. And through His Strength, I will do His work for His glory, of fighting for reconciliation and healing.
It felt good to write.
Why? Because I see the wounds of discrimination, oppression, shaming, and blaming. The wounds of the words and overall implicit (and even often explicit) messages of brown people, my people, as inferior-- less than.
I'm probably over-speaking, making too dark (what's the opposite of light) of the situation, but these are raw emotions, right?
"I think I just feel inferior," "but we don't have much," "what will people think?" "I'm sorry that I haven't given you much" ... these words hurt... especially because they are spoken as she compares herself to white culture and people.
But why the emotions? Why the anger? Because of what this represents. It's not the first time members of my family have felt that way, especially in relation to my white friends. You'd think that it would hurt me less and less to see the shame they feel, the "but we're not as good as them" aura that surrounds these moments. The thing is, it's not just them and white people-- it's bigger than that. It's them feeling that because of the color of their skin, their native tongue, their roots, their migration story, their socioeconomic status, they are "less than." It is the feeling that they are inherently lower. And the problem is even deeper... those thoughts, those beliefs, they weren't always there, I bet. Do I imagine my family back in Ecuador thinking of themselves as less? No. Yet here, something about the culture, about society, about media's portrayal of success... tells them... no, convinces them that they aren't as good as white people... that the perfect lifestyle (and family, even) is one that is basically unattainable... at least to them (maybe that's why they push us kids so hard to succeed and to go to school-- so that we don't become "less than.")
Examples?
Growing up, I heard "minorities can be as smart as white people." Why do colored people get the "privilege" of being as smart as white people? Why not white people being as smart as us?
Growing up, I saw movies where the main actresses were light-skinned and had colored eyes. This was beauty.
Growing up, I heard stories of racial profiling, of my family members getting pulled over or seeing others getting pulled over for no apparent reason...
Growing up, I saw Disney movies portray all of these beautiful princesses, and none of them were Hispanic/Latina... why not? I asked.
Regardless of these (and many other) examples, the truth is this... when a people group keeps getting told that they are inferior to, less than, not as good as the majority, they start believing it about themselves. Something inside starts to break-down... I'm not saying Latino pride has been eliminated, gracias a Dios! For that would be hard to kill--- our passion, pride, and resistance. But what I am saying, is that there has been something planted, a seed, that is showing it's ugly fruit in my own life, and I bet in the lives of others like me... and it honestly hurts and upsets.
Anyway, I should stop venting... anger has been pretty much eliminated through the words that my fingers type on this keyboard. Now a deeper wound remains, that of the systemic injustices and oppressions, and with it, a burning passion to do something about it... to empower those that have been stripped of power. But above this, a hope remains and shines... the hope that God sees the pain, sees the brokenness, sees the potential, sees us for who we are, and He cares. And through His Strength, I will do His work for His glory, of fighting for reconciliation and healing.
It felt good to write.
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