(unfinished thoughts of an unfinished journey)
Yesterday was Ecuador's first game of the World Cup.
I was SO excited, that one of the first things I did when I woke up was change my Facebook profile picture to that of an Ecuadorian soccer ball. I dress in my country's flag colors, did my make-up in blue, red, and yellow, and used eyeshadow to draw some flags on my cheeks.
I saw the first half before church, which was interesting, actually...but I'll get to that later. Sad to say, Ecuador lost 2-1 in the last minute of overtime.
After church, I called my mom to tell her I was on my way. My family was all gathered to celebrate Father's Day and watch some fútbol. The first sight of my family brought a smile to my face. All the yellow, red, and blue. The kids jumping on the trampoline. The sound of my family's commentary over the France vs. Honduras game.
That first minute of walking into my backyard brought me back to the reality that I was a part of something bigger. It may sound dumb, but when I first woke up with all that Ecuadorian pride, I had forgotten that there were others out there united with me in the desire to see Ecuador win. I wasn't alone.
During half-time, an ad said that USA would be playing Ghana Monday (today), and one my aunts looked to me and said, "look, your country." I immediately shook my head and said, "nah."
"Wait. Why did I do that?," I thought. "I'm supposed to be trying to embrace the fullness of my identity as an Ecuadorian-American."
I felt as though in that single comment, I had taken a step back... And then I had a flashback to the first half of Ecuador's game that I watched before church (and I must admit, Ecuador kicked butt during those 48 minutes!).
See, I grew up watching fútbol with la familia, hearing commentaries and making my own, all in Spanish. Yet, while I had been watching on my own earlier, a good number of my outbursts were in English. That was a recent adaptation. And it got me thinking.
"My family's native tongue is Spanish. My native tongue is Spanish. So, why did I make those comments in English then?"
And then I recalled the other reason I had gone home- to help my mom out with her business, since I was the only who spoke English... since I was the American one.
The duality again: Ecuadorian. American.
Later, after going out with my mom, I came back to the smell of cuy... a traditional Ecuadorian dish. [While many kids I grew up with had pet guinea pigs, my family had them sent from Ecuador, ready to heat up and eat.]
"Jajaja... I really am not the only Ecuadorian... doesn't get much more Ecuadorian than this..." I smiled. It's good to be reminded of where I have come from, and where I'm going, and who I am.
I really am both. And I still struggle with that reality. But even menial things, like watching soccer, are opportunities for me to embrace the truth of who I am.
As for today, I am wearing red, white, and blue, as I root my other country, los Estados Unidos.
Yesterday was Ecuador's first game of the World Cup.
I was SO excited, that one of the first things I did when I woke up was change my Facebook profile picture to that of an Ecuadorian soccer ball. I dress in my country's flag colors, did my make-up in blue, red, and yellow, and used eyeshadow to draw some flags on my cheeks.
I saw the first half before church, which was interesting, actually...but I'll get to that later. Sad to say, Ecuador lost 2-1 in the last minute of overtime.
After church, I called my mom to tell her I was on my way. My family was all gathered to celebrate Father's Day and watch some fútbol. The first sight of my family brought a smile to my face. All the yellow, red, and blue. The kids jumping on the trampoline. The sound of my family's commentary over the France vs. Honduras game.
That first minute of walking into my backyard brought me back to the reality that I was a part of something bigger. It may sound dumb, but when I first woke up with all that Ecuadorian pride, I had forgotten that there were others out there united with me in the desire to see Ecuador win. I wasn't alone.
During half-time, an ad said that USA would be playing Ghana Monday (today), and one my aunts looked to me and said, "look, your country." I immediately shook my head and said, "nah."
"Wait. Why did I do that?," I thought. "I'm supposed to be trying to embrace the fullness of my identity as an Ecuadorian-American."
I felt as though in that single comment, I had taken a step back... And then I had a flashback to the first half of Ecuador's game that I watched before church (and I must admit, Ecuador kicked butt during those 48 minutes!).
See, I grew up watching fútbol with la familia, hearing commentaries and making my own, all in Spanish. Yet, while I had been watching on my own earlier, a good number of my outbursts were in English. That was a recent adaptation. And it got me thinking.
"My family's native tongue is Spanish. My native tongue is Spanish. So, why did I make those comments in English then?"
And then I recalled the other reason I had gone home- to help my mom out with her business, since I was the only who spoke English... since I was the American one.
The duality again: Ecuadorian. American.
Later, after going out with my mom, I came back to the smell of cuy... a traditional Ecuadorian dish. [While many kids I grew up with had pet guinea pigs, my family had them sent from Ecuador, ready to heat up and eat.]
"Jajaja... I really am not the only Ecuadorian... doesn't get much more Ecuadorian than this..." I smiled. It's good to be reminded of where I have come from, and where I'm going, and who I am.
I really am both. And I still struggle with that reality. But even menial things, like watching soccer, are opportunities for me to embrace the truth of who I am.
As for today, I am wearing red, white, and blue, as I root my other country, los Estados Unidos.
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